Out-auguration

Happy dawn of a new free world, everybody.

Literally dawn, here, where the inauguration speech didn't air until 3:25am. Thank god for the internet, so (after falling asleep in front of the TV) I could download it the next morning. And what a speech, what a president!

There has been much made about the inauguration, even here. Inauguration, from Latin inaugurationem (nom. inauguratio) "consecration, installment under good omens," from inaugurare "take omens from the flight of birds, consecrate or install when such omens are favorable," from in- "on, in" + augurare "to act as an augur, predict" must have its equal and opposite. I would like to propose a new phrase, representing all the good things that are predicted not just by the incoming Obama, but the outgoing Duhbleya.

First, because esteem for US citizens internationally has been so low for the last 8 years, we are finally able to raise our heads, stop talking with phony Canadian accents, and cut the maple leaf flags from our backpacks. It is not just because we elected an erudite man who has lived in Indonesia and has some real experience with the people of other nations, but it is also because we have shown that we can (eventually) learn from our mistakes by not voting for the same old folks who have so lowered the international opinion of the US.

Also, by trading in a President who can barely read for an editor of the Harvard Law Review, we have shown that we are rejecting the semi-literacy and mediocre communication skills that we have suffered through for the last eight years.

Finally, by our choice as a nation to see out the culture of the good ole boy network, the yes-man mentality, the cronyism which has been in such evidence during the last administration, we can feel that we have said goodbye to the unilateral government that did not tolerate dissent.

The only person with anything to lose by not having Bush in office anymore seems to be David Letterman and his Great Moments In Presidential Speeches segment.

Happy Outauguration, everyone!

at last, deadly australia!

Finally.

We have been here for over 2 years, and finally, a confirmed sighting of one of Australia's vaunted deadly animals in the wild.

It's a well-known fact that Australia is home to lots of stuff that will sting, bite, paralyze, chomp, drown, squeeze, envenomate, or just generally make life a misery. What is less well known is the fact that this is also a huuuuuuge place, and most of these creatures small, making the chance of sitting on one very small. But it is a very real chance.

So it is with immense satisfaction that I finally caught a snap of, frankly, the coolest deadly thing on the list.

Behold! The Blue Ringed Octopus!

This little guy (he would fit in your hand, if you were stupid enough to hold him) is usually pretty much dressed in boring old earth tones, but when annoyed, lights up some blue rings distinctive to the species. (There are a few biology geeks out there who would point out that there are 2 species, but very, very few people can tell the difference, and almost none of them will read this blog.)

So, imagine you're a child, or an inquisitive scuba diver, or even just a fella from Alaska poking around in the tidepools, and you see something light up like a carnival side show, and you reach out to pick it up (don't worry, I didn't). Then, the little guy injects some venom through his beak with a bite that you may never feel. In the next few minutes, the neurotoxin causes partial or total muscular paralysis, including the muscles of respiration. You may even vomit, but can't cough or swallow, and death by respiratory failure follows. Of course, during all of this, you are totally conscious.

Cool, huh? I mean, this place has got EVERYTHING!

So, without further ado (admitting that there was a fair amount of preceding ado), meet, uh, bluey. Or ringey. Or octopussy. Ah, heck, just check it out.

Recipes and stuff.

So I thought that with Kris gone, and me with a largely unrefined palate, this would be a good chance to try to eat everything in the cupboard that had been there for more than 6months. The goal was to try to avoid doing any grocery shopping during the time that I'm baching it, in deference to my days in The Cave at college, when we only went to the store when the 10# bag of tricolored rotini and block of velveeta were finally finished (and even then, it was just not cool to show up at Cub until 3:30am).

A current, honest inventory of the fridge includes:
1 jar of cucumber slices, 4 slices left.
1 jar of pickled onions, 3 onions left.
1 econo tub of yoghurt, expiration date unclear (smudged).
22 eggs.
1/2 jar of cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving.
Condiments.
Beer (11 cans midstrength, 2 bottles wheat beer, 1 bottle chocolate stout)
Cat food.
There may be some vegetables in the crisper, but, frankly, I'm afraid to look.

So, in lieu of more toothsome fare, I turned to the cupboard shelves to see what they would yield. I am willing to share these recipes with you, if only to keep you from making the same mistakes.

1. Egg McNuthin' -- fried egg on heated, chili-flavored rice cake, topped with "tasty" cheese.
Rated at 3/10 -- flavor unsatisfying, left me wanting more...of anything else.
2. Chili con Quinoa -- Combine 1 can kidney beans, 1 can baked beans, 1 can black beans with 1/2 bottle of worcestershire sauce, 1/2 jar of salsa, then decide to add 2 cups of quinoa (I should put in a hyperlink so that you can figure out what that is -- Andean grain with lots of protein). Simmer. Note the powerful absorptive properties of quinoa has left behind dry muck. Add water (1 cup). Come back in 15 minutes.
Rated at 4/10 -- bland, but nourishing.
3. Awesome burrito -- Heat some vegetable oil in a frying pan, then lightly fry both sides of a flour tortilla. Add cheese when frying the second side, as though making a quesedilla. Then, run the tortilla over so the cheese is basically deep-fried to the outside of the tortilla as you add your ingredients of choice to the inside. The cheese sticks, making a crunchy outside to a run-of-the-mill burrito.
Rated at 8/10 -- mmm, but marks off from the health department.

All in all, it's been an interesting challenge, and one that should only get more intriguing as I get hungrier. Wish me luck!

124 degrees of separation

okay...I'm back in MN visiting my family.

It just happens to coincide with the coldest winter they have seen in years. Today, right now, it is -18F (-28C)...I was chatting to Nathan online and it is 106F in Perth. We are talking about 124 decrees difference. But with windchills at -40F (-40C) , they have windchill advisories (exposed flesh warnings). That's just crazy....

I'm beginning to feel like the Michelin Man. I get dressed to walk to the car. In 5 minutes I'm boiling, so I unzip and take off hat and mittens in the car. When we get to the hospital where dad is having his chemo, I re-cover hat and gloves...struggle with the zipper of my coat which is caught in my oversize sweatshirt. Drop dad off...I stay in my jacket slowly starting to overheat thinking this will only take a few minutes. Mom has a few questions while I debate whether I should risk sweating in all my stuff which will make me feel colder when we go outside OR take off all my gear again. Eventually I remove all the outer garments again.

Mom and I decide to go shopping. We zip up, hat, gloves, and scarves. Stop in one store (remove parka etc) can't find anything (don parka again). Stop in another store (remove parka), decide to try on jeans and shirt. Unlace winter boots, remove jeans and turtle neck and sweatshirt, try on shirt...don't like it so put sweatshirt on again (my hair looks like a dandelion gone to seed, I have so much static electricity it stands on end).

I try on jeans...but grab the wrong size. Can't go out in socks, since everyone is tracking in snow, which means putting on my jeans, relacing boots, getting smaller size, returning to fitting room, unlacing boots, struggle into 4-5 different pairs. When the jeans finally fit, I realise I probably should get 10 pair since I don't want to go through this process again. We have several more errands to run but I can't face 3 more dress/undress rituals in less than 5 minutes.

I know MN and Alaska people will think I have gone soft living in Perth. I've always said that I can handle the cold better than the heat. I mean, in MN you can always put on more clothes, in Perth...well, you can only get so naked in public. But, now it seems I'd rather have the reverse, at least it would be consistent.

Being home makes me realize how much I miss being so close to family---Hanging out, getting to go to the birthday parties, how much the babies have grown in the past year, seeing old friends. Being in MN during a cold snap makes me wish they could come and visit me for a change. But no matter how "frigid" there's no place like home.

Bachelorhood Revisited

So Kris left yesterday for a long visit with her folks, leaving behind a pile of dishes, a long honey-do list, and me. You know what that means, other than a month of living on peanut butter sandwiches and light beer? I should have more time to devote to cultural pursuits, such as watching Don't Forget The Lyrics. (Yes, it airs in Australia. They are having a hard time finding meaningful programming to fill all 4 channels here, so they import shows from the US.) Anyway, the part that really slays me is at the end, where Wayne Brady points at the screen and says that somebody could come on stage and win a million dollars and, gesturing into my living room, "it may even be you."

Well.

Clearly we have never met. He must be talking to my three-legged, neutered, toothless cat, because my chances of winning a million on that show are not as good as Jake's. I could conceivably win a million on Never Knew The Lyrics And Really Never Cared, and I may take home a few bucks on the new show, Just Make Up The Lyrics And Sing Them Confidently So People Think They're The Real Lyrics. But really, that's not much of a retirement plan.

No, I think the real path to fame (if not fortune), is to do something unbelievably clever for YouTube, like ObamaGirl, or the guy who explains the news (sometimes in song) to kids. Yup, that's it. And now I've got the time to devote to it, with Kris out of town. At least, if there's not anything better on after SVU...

A clean sweep of Broome...

So we decided to take the last few days and chill out in a town in North West Australia called Broome. It's in the same state as Perth, but is about 1500 miles north, so we flew -- good choice, as it turns out, since some of the roads close down during this time, officially known as The Wet.

As it turns out, this town is very seasonal, with high volume of tourist traffic coming through in The Dry, but turning into a much more sedate country-town-on-the-sea during the wet, when they can get over 150cm of rain a month and are prone to cyclones. This was just the low key, forced relaxation that we needed.

Instead of our choice of tours, busily ticking off things from a list of "must-see" attractions, we have been carefully rationing the possibilities, with time spent on the beach, wandering through the small downtown, hanging out at the local swimming pool, and mostly spending time in our room inhaling the stack of junk books that we brought. Who would have thought that, with 7 books for an 8 day holiday, Kris needed to get another Sue Grafton novel today?

So, I know what you're thinking. During cyclone season, with all of the really good tours shut down for the season, and a hire car that you're not allowed to leave town in or go off the road in, what is left. Well, I'm glad that you asked!

First, there is the World's Longest Continuously Running Outdoor Cinema, called Sun Pictures. We saw that there was a showing of, appropriately enough, Australia, and jumped at the chance to check it out. Best of all, when you got tired of Hugh flexing onscreen, there were geckos on the actual screen hunting moths, and during a hushed campfire part of the movie a very large fruitbat flew through the picture. All very cool.

The next day, there was a trip out to the bird sanctuary. We got special dispensation to take the 4wd that we hired on a dirt road for this purpose, passing through puddles deep enough to house a fair sized croc, and spotting our first wild dingo, only to find (you guessed it!) that the interpretive centre was closed for the season. Oh, well, we had a good trip out and got to see some amazing coastline.

A trip to the pearl farm was next -- Broome has a pretty amazing history based on the pearling industry. Initially, they collected "wild" oysters and used the shell for mother-of-pearl buttons and stuff, with the pearl as a bonus in every 15,000 oysters or so. Now, they culture pearls, still sell the shells, and sell the pearl meat overseas for $600/kg. All in all, it's a pretty labor-intensive, but fascinating industry, and resulted in me trying on a pearl-diver's helmet (35kg), and us holding a pearl valued at over 100,000 AUD. Whew!

e did spend some quality time on the beach, watching sunsets, and getting lured into a camel ride (it was actually pretty cool -- Australia has over 1,000,000 wild camels, and they are 'recruited' for hauling tourist butts up and down the beach in the dozens), but did not dare go into the water. Although it looks idyllic, and the water is warmer than most of us bathe at up to 35 degrees C (about 95 degrees F), it is also the perfect climate for the Irukanji and Chironex jellyfish, colloquially known as stingers, but more widely known as box jellyfish. For those of you who don'e know, these jellyfish are widely and wisely feared, as they produce copious toxin which will leave you screaming in pain -- even if you are unconscious -- until you die. So, um, we didn't go in the water. Wimpy, huh?

Anyway, we weren't done yet! There were still two reptillian attractions left. First, the awesome killing machines that are the estuarine crocodiles (Crocodylus porosus, if you care), known as salties. We had hoped to see some in the wild, but went to a wildlife park/croc farm and had a great time! We got muuuuuuuch closer than we would have in the wild, learned a little bit about them, and got to see them at feeding time. More pictures will surely follow, as we get my film transferred to disk.

The other reptillian attraction is the presence at low tide of some dinosaur footprints. Real ones. The locals aren't thrilled about people traipsing down to look, so there is only a vague description on where they are, but there is a pretty good explanation of what to look for, complete with a concrete cast. Anyway, we scrambled around, and found some therosaur prints, which is just about the coolest thing ever. I mean, ever. This is, apparently, the only place where dinosaurs are in the oral history of dreamtime in the indigenous australian heritage.

Incidentally, we also saw in a tide pool a blue-ringed octopus, another of Australia's incredibly lethal aquatic critters, this one able to deliver a paralytic neurotoxin. Pictures also to follow, hopefully. As it turns out, it is pretty tough to get a picture of something under the water. We'll see.

There is much more to our trip, including the other couple at the B&B, who are visiting from outback Aus to have their dog's leg x-rayed and biopsied. I tried to stay out of conversations, but was unable to keep my curiosity to myself. Also, we are trying to implement new fitness goals for the new year, but 90 degrees and 95% humidity is not really all that conducive to activity.

Anyway, I'm about out of time on the internet cafe here. Hope that 2009 is a banner year for everyone! Happy New Year!

(I just thought that this was a funny sign...)